What's a little Christmas blackmail between colleagues
Oh come on, you know we'd all do it.
It's Single Mothers Weekend on Hallmark! We've got your (multiple) widowed mothers! We've got mothers leaving babies at firehouses! We've got single mothers blackmailing their bosses to make their child happy!
There's nothing Hallmark loves more than only having to cast and pay for one parent. Let's see what all of these single mothers are up to, shall we…
Inventing the Christmas Prince
Shelby is about to quit her job as a rocket engineer when her daughter becomes convinced that her Scrooge-like boss, Evan, is the Christmas Prince; a story Shelby invented years ago.
Tropes: Widow Love; Enemies-to-Lovers; Let's Change Our Entire Personality at Christmas
You may recall that I placed this movie as one of my predicted worst movies of the season. And I take it all back!
I don't know why I thought the rocket scientist aspect was going to be a deal breaker for me. I clearly love when these movies don't even bother doing a ton of research on the professions they give their leads (See: my enthusiastic review of The Royal Nanny).
The synopsis of this movie really doesn't give anything away—it sounds like yet another Christmas magic movie. But no, this is a movie about extorting your boss!
Our male lead finds out that the board is thinking of firing him because so many staff have quit due to his terrible management. If he has one more staff member quit, then his job is on the chopping block.
I guess that part of the movie is the fantastical bit because you'd have to be living in an absolute fantasy world for an organization’s leadership to take action against an underperforming supervisor. And him being told the solution is to encourage work life balance for his employees? Absolutely unheard of.
Well, he doesn't listen to any of this advice and tells all his employees they'll be working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to make up for the staff shortages (lol back to the real world). Our female lead has had enough and very publicly quits. Except her daughter is there and “recognizes” her boss as the Christmas Prince from a story her mom made up (she described him as tall, dark, and handsome with a weirdly specific birthmark he just happens to have).
So she and her boss strike a deal. She doesn't quit and he has to pretend to be the Christmas Prince for her daughter, which means granting 12 wishes of her choosing. What's more in the Christmas spirit than blackmailing your boss to keep Christmas magic alive for your child?
Cue the learning to be a better person and simultaneously falling in love with the person who made you change sequence. I won't spoil the rest of the movie, but I will say that you'll likely cry at the ending of the movie if you have complicated feelings about father figures.
And since you're probably wondering what I thought of these child actors: The lead child is not annoying and you get why people want to do nice things for her. And they also cast this excellent annoying twerpy white boy as her bully who is always reminding her she doesn't have a dad. What a little monster!
Verdict: Watch!
Three Wise Men and a Baby
Three brothers get the surprise of their lives when they are forced to work together and care for a baby over the holidays
Tropes: Let's Change Our Lives at Christmas
I'm not exaggerating when I say that this is probably one of the best movies Hallmark has ever made. It doesn't top An Unexpected Christmas for me. But those two movies have something in common: the impeccable writing of Paul Campbell.
This movie was co-written with fellow Hallmark star Kimberly Sustad. And the two of them bring a unique perspective to writing a Hallmark script that can only come from starring in so many of these movies themselves. They have a respect for their audience and play into fan service. They embrace the ridiculousness of the classic tropes. And they subvert them when they see the opportunity. Simply, they just get it.
Whereas most Hallmark movies are writing fantasy men, Paul Campbell's scripts have embraced the flaws, and show they still deserve to find love. All three of these grown 30-something brothers are effectively living at home with their mother. The major flaws of these men are highlighted in turn: Andrew Walker is “Mr. Perfect”, but has distanced himself from his brothers. Tyler Hynes can't get over his own ego. Paul Campbell is a nervous wreck around everyone but his family. All of their baggage could probably (definitely) be traced back to their father abandoning their family at a young age.
The real highlight of this movie is how funny it is. The three lead actors have such natural chemistry together that you could almost believe they're brothers.
Only Paul Campbell could make a movie centered around a mostly crying baby and make me love it.
Verdict: Best movie yet this year
Long Lost Christmas
Interior designer Hayley plans to surprise her recently widowed mother Patricia with the perfect holiday present: the extended family she knows her mom yearns for.
Tropes: It's Not Lying If It’s Christmas; Widow
Do you ever watch a movie and think this all could have been avoided if you just approached this like a sane person?
That's what you'll immediately think when you find out the entire plot of this movie is based around a woman going to try to find her mother's long lost brother after she explicitly told her not to. But when she finds a potential match, she doesn't just ask him some identifying questions. She pretends to patronize his cabin rental business and wastes more people's time with a fake…neighbor reunion trip? Family or college or high school reunion would have been too sane of an idea for her lie.
So she spends the entire movie making awkward small talk with her supposed-uncle that would make anyone deeply suspicious. And when she finally does decide to ask him straight up if his sister is her mother, HE PASSES OUT AND IS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL! Movies & Mysteries never ceases to amaze me.
Now here's my favorite part of this movie. The uncle holds a fundraiser every year. During said fundraiser, the uncle mentions the charity they are raising money for, which turns out is the group home where he and her mother lived as children. This ENRAGES our main character and she has an outburst in front of the entire group of attendees and walks out. If I was an attendee at this fundraiser, I'd probably think she's out of her mind for being so angry that we're supporting a children's charity. Because, like every other character in this story, they have no idea why this would make her so mad—they don't know who she is because she's been lying this whole time! Frankly, even with all this information as the viewer, this response seems unhinged.
After that, I'll be honest, I kind of lost the plot, but they all decide to forgive everyone for some reason and everyone meets up for Christmas. Yay. There's also this weird showroom plot (she's an interior designer that goes live on “social media” and allegedly has a following), but her final product is frankly a bit ugly and they show it for about 30 seconds.
And just a little end note: Hayles is not a nickname for Hayley. A Hayley has no nickname. I am personally insulted.
Verdict: Skip. Even my fave Benjamin Ayres couldn't save this one.
When I Think of Christmas
Sara comes home for Christmas to help her mom move, reconnects with a past love, and makes a surprising discovery for a holiday they will all remember.
Tropes: Exes-to-Lovers; Widow Love; The Very Important Town Christmas Concert; Presents from the Grave
This movie was barely watchable for me, much in the same vein as my now much derided A Maple Valley Christmas.
Oddly enough, the best storyline in this film too was the mother finally pursuing love again after years of seemingly being alone for the sake of her ungrateful child. Beth Broderick's character is a catch. And her love interest is a useful man who offers to do some house projects for her new condo. There's nothing more romantic than free labor.
The entire conflict is centered around our female lead being angry at her mom for encouraging her to go to Yale on scholarship (yes, actually Yale, not some made up school per usual) instead of pursuing a career in music. I'm sorry, but there is no world in which doing a showcase in Nashville (which sees more dime-a-dozen wannabe musicians fail at their dreams than any other city) should take precedent over going to an Ivy League school. And it's not like she wasted her time in college! She became an allegedly successful lawyer.
The mom's motives for not wanting her daughter to pursue music is that she herself had lived a life of barely surviving while pursuing a music career with her dead husband. Said husband died in a car accident while on the road and left her a widow with a child to raise alone. So like, her trauma is very valid.
The rest of this story is the basic Hallmark high school loves get back together while doing town Christmas event then get angry at each other for past breakup then make life-altering decisions to accommodate the other. This is enjoyable when done well, but I was bored and these leads both have distracting hairstyles.
Verdict: Skip, and give Beth Broderick better movies
This Weekend
My Southern Family Christmas
#Xmas
A Royal Corgi Christmas
A Tale of Two Christmases
Haul Out the Holly
Time for Him to Come Home for Christmas
A Christmas Cookie Catastrophe
A Holiday Spectacular